Speech Coaches Meeting

So yesterday we had the annual spring speech coaches meeting in Cedar Falls. As always, I want to kill myself whenever we have to do something relating to speech, but the reasons for being unable to skip were twofold.
A) K is the president of the northeast district
B) My boss, WOB, wanted to attend for reasons unknown to me. Or K. What. A. Loser.

So here a breakdown of my day:

6:30 Cell phone alarm goes off. I panic and think I overslept and it's K calling me to ask where the hell I am? Realize it's only 6:30. Close my eyes again.

6:31 Suddenly realize I am NOT in my bedroom. Wonder where the hell I am.

6:31:20 Remember that I decided to go to my parents' last night because they are closer to Cedar Falls (only a 40 minute drive instead of an hour and ten minutes) and this way, Darcy could frolic in their house all day, instead of having to stay in the car in her crate. I'm against animal abuse, see?

6:38 Cell phone snooze alarm goes off again. What the hell? Why is it every eight minutes and not nine like the rest of alarm clocks the world over?

6:45 Must beat Mom and Dad in the shower, so finally get up. Realize how used I am to having my own space and doing my own thing whenever I want in my own apartment.

7:45 Leave house. Was weird to have people around in the a.m., but kind of enjoyable. I'd probably want to kill myself if I had to socialize with them every morning because the novelty would wear off, but for one day, it was nice.

7:50-8:30 Belt old-school Shakira the entire way. "Whenever, wherever ..."

8:30 Arrive at the meeting.

8:35 Struggle to get the popcorn holders that I had to beg the local movie theatre for out of the trunk of my car without dropping the six feet tall cut-outs of James Dean and Oscar. It has been raining since 6:32 and the ground is muddy. End up making three trips:
1) CD player and popcorn things
2) James Dean and Oscar
3) my bag and paper towels
(Still reading this? I'm SHOCKED!! Truly!)

8:36 Meet DarlatheBitch as I'm going into the hotel. She's the vice-president and an all-out bitch on wheels. I alternate between wanting to beat the living shit out of her and wanting to run her over in my car, reverse over her mangled corpse, and repeating the process. I smiled and she said hi, and I said, "Hi, Darla, how are you?" and she looked away, breaking eye contact. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO WEIRD???

8:37 Met K in the conference room, looking adorable in a spring skirt and jean jacket, and helped her begin to set things up. Put popcorn and "take 2" clapper thingies all over along with signs that said things like "Sunset Blvd." and such on the walls. Passed out kolatches and candy, etc.

8:41 Carry in the cardboard cut-outs. Can't get the door open. Two cute boys hold it open for me. One is very friendly. My heart is pitter-pattering.

9:00 Sign in. Adorable name tags with pictures of film reels, Oscars, movie tickets, etc. on them. Tell Darla and the secretary, Matt, I have to look through the stack before deciding which one I want. Pull out the Oscar. DarlaTheBitch says, "Isn't that one great? I took that one too!"

9:01 Exchange my Oscar name tage for one with a picture of a film reel on it. Will not willingly allow myself to be like Darla in any way.

9:15 Already hungry. How will I make it until noon before eating?

9:17 To distract myself from my hunger, I ask K, "How late do you think WOB will be?" "An hour," she replies with absolutely no hesitation. I concur.

9:30 K begins with a hilarious multiple choice quiz for all the coaches. She rocked the house. We all applaud like mad when she sits down at 9:40. Craig, the head honcho who I think is an arrogant jackass, K thinks is a "fucking dick," and Vicki (the woman I replaced) calls a "raging Republican" (I don't think he's actually a Republican, that's just the worst comment she can give. Period.) begins speaking.

9:57 WOB walks in. K and I consult our watches and grin at each other. We're only three minutes off.

10:00 I begin to eye the agenda. Craig needs to wrap up his little speech so we can stick to the schedule K has been planning since large group district contest back in January.

10:14 Craig's still talking. K is beginning to look nervous, alternating her glances between the schedule and her watch. I fear I am beginning to look bored. I'm having a hard time concentrating.

10:36 Thirty-six minutes after he's supposed to be finished, Craig finally wraps it up. K stands up and asks, "Are you beginning to sweat over the schedule? Because I am." which get a HUGE laugh and round of applause. She begins introductions. Must tell your name, what you coach, what you teach, where you find scripts, and what scripts you brought. K says some REALLY great stuff about me, including this, which she's told me about before, "I coach large group and individual with Erica. She's been with me for three years now and I would kill myself without her. At our school we have this expression: if we're doing something fun, we like to ask, 'Is it as cool as Miss A?' We all know she is the epitome of cool." Everyone laughed and I was really flattered and embarrassed (but in a good way, obviously).

10:38 K goes, "And no one else can talk as long as me," before sitting down because we are now so far behind schedule. I go next explaining that I brought two choral reading scripts and why choral reading is so hard. Many heads are nodding in agreement. I brought thirty copies of two scripts and they were ALL gone by the time we left yesterday. I rock.

10:39-11:30 Write down many titles of scripts and wish people would hurry up just a tinge. I'm hungry and a little bored and ready to move on.

11:31 WOB talks about himself and says some interesting stuff for once. He explains how much he loves speech and how it's his biggest passion and then he thanked me and then he goes, "I want to thank my English teachers, K and E, for letting me live vicariously through their speech experiences. They have to put up with a lot because I love it so much and I love hosting speech contest." This was the best part of the day because at the same time that K goes, "Oh, you love hosting speech contest? Really?", I go, "Gee, we never would have known that you loved hosting contest? Wow! News to me." which got laughs all around because we've hosted that effing contest longer than I've been alive--EVERYONE knows he loves hosting that damn thing.

11:34-11:50 Script exchange!! Got some good choral readings scripts that give me ideas, even if I never plan on using them. One was called "the House that Jack Built" and was all about different Jacks all through literature. It's a very cool idea and I'd like to write my own--using something else in place of Jack. It wouldn't even have to be a name, it could be something totally different. Only problem is, I can't think of anything else. Ideas anyone???

11:50-12:20 Listen to different coaches' presentations. We are now an hour behind schedule, and these people aren't even making AN EFFORT to speed up this process. Do you WANT to get out at 2:00 or NOT???

12:20-1:00 Break for lunch. Thank GOD because I'm starving. The cottage cheese rocked the house. I saw the following vegetables in the soup: lima beans, peas, and green beans, so I stuck with the sandwiches, obviously.

1:00-1:40 Listened to a presenter from UNI who, to be perfectly honest, was not that great. Bo*ring. K was bored, too, I could tell, even though she's the one who called her to present.

1:40 The two cute boys who held the door open for me this morning give a presentation on musical theatre full of websites. This is VERY, VERY, VERY helpful since K decided it would be a good idea for the two of us to do musical theatre next year (why, God, why???) After the script exchange, this was a great idea!!

2:00 FINALLY FINISHED!! YEA!!! Begin packing up. Glower at DarlaTheBitch who isn't helping at all clean up at all.

2:30 Help K wheel the cart with all our boxes on it. Wave good-bye to the two cute boys from this morning. Wave good-bye to K, hop in the car, and drive to Barnes & Noble.

3:00 Leave B&N with two books for Brennan's birthday. Drive to Target. Buy the new Michael Buble CD (yea "Everything"! yea "Wonderful Tonight"! yea three songs co-written by Michael Buble. yea "Always on my Mind" ... wait, a minute. Never mind. I don't like this version of "Always on my Mind."). Get the game Apples To Apples for Mom. Try on strapless bras for a half hour. No luck.

4:15 Go the mall. Look for photo albums for Dad. No luck. Go to Victoria's Secret. Try on strapless bras for AN HOUR!!!! Finally find one, after a long, discouraging try. Get $10 off and a free pair of underwear (DON'T call them panties) thanks to a coupon I have.

5:45 Go to HobbyLobby. Get photo album for Dad for cool project he's working on for someone. See a Paris poster and contemplate getting it for my recently redecorated room which is looking AWESOME, but needs one or two more things. It's $10 but 50% off. Buy it. Along with a photo album with pictures of New York on it for our NYC trip this summer. Also 50% off. Total cost: $20. Wow. What a bargain.

6:30 Arrive home. Go with the fam out to eat to celebrate Bren's birthday. Lots of laughing and loud talking amonst us. Very fun.

7:45 Arrive back home. Play Apples to Apples until 11:00. SO FUN!!!

11:30 Off to bed. Very exhausted.

This post was for Tara. Very soon she's going to regret ever asking for posts like this.