I'm Still Alive...at least for now

When they told me that as a first-year teacher, I would never have any free time, I believed them.

When they told me that as a first-year teacher, the job would be my life, I believed them.

When they told me that as a first-year teacher, I would have no money, I believed them.

What I didn't understand was the extent to which these things would be true. What I didn't understand was that any free time I possessed would be wasted as I would be too exhausted to do anything but lie on the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV. What I didn't understand that any time I wasn't at school working, I was at home working. And on those rare occasions I wasn't at home working, I was at home thinking about work. Which, in most ways, is even worse.

In the twelve weeks that I've been teaching, I have enjoyed it more immensely than I ever realized I would. I'm more convinced than ever that there is nothing else for me but teaching (well, except maybe writing that best-selling novel I've been talking about. All in good time, though. All in good time). But, despite this, I've also become more convinced than ever that someone needs to invent a button to shut off my brain from time to time.

I'm watching a movie, thoroughly engrossed and entertained, and suddenly the camera cuts to an outside shot of the school--or even worse, inside a classroom--and suddenly, I'm thinking about schoolwork. Once an avid reader who read more than a book a week, I now find that most books can't hold my attention because there's always something going on at school that I must think about. Inevitably, when conversing with someone they will say, "What's new with you?" For weeks I would say things like, "Well, Johnny finally turned an assignment in, so we had a celebration fourth hour," or "Susie passed a quiz which means she actually *read* the chapter." Finally I began saying, "Nothing!" which I've now amended to, "Nothing you want to hear about. What's new with you?"

Now I try and explain the situation to my non-teacher friends. "I don't have any free time." They say soothing things like, "I'm sure that's rough." And I say, "No, no. I don't have ANY free time. ANY. Do you know what I did last week? I graded papers and watched the election. That was my life. And the week before that was even worse. Wait til you hear about it!" As I begin, my eyes begin to bug and my hands begin to flail and my friends begin backing away, or in the case of a telephone conversation, begin to make staticky noises and say things like, "What? You're breaking up! I can't hear you. I'll have to call you back." And I'm left to do things like grade papers and watch the election.

And yet, despite having no free time, no money, no sleep, and virtually no life, I find that my life, as it is, is more rewarding and more fulfilling now than I can ever remember it being. And despite everything, I'm not sure I would change a thing.

Unless, of course, that brain shut-off button comes along. Now THAT would be rewarding!

14 Ways to Wreak Havoc at a Small Town Grocery Store

by T.D.A., my talented and underappreciated sister

1. Constantly take and wear others' nametags and then insist you don't know where they are.
2. Switch generic/brand name price tags.
3. Erase all expiration dates in milk cooler.
4. Count one less item than necessary for baker (11 rolls, 5 kaisers, 7 coneys, etc.)
5. Switch money backward and forward in the register
6. Knock over egg cartons and leave to rot.
7. Open all cooler doors (and leave them).
8. Carry out for customer and return 15-20 minutes later.
9. Leave one item on each aisle floor. Exchange items periodically.
10. Pour rock salt into garbage boxes.
11. Leave all recycling bags completely full.
12. Never add up hours. Complain about being shorted on paycheck.
13. Constantly refer to Shur-fine brand as Shur-as-hell-fine.
14. Replace framed, first-earned dollar bill with a note reading, "Dave, IOU one dollar."